We all have experience with kids in one way or another, but some deserve to go in a book somewhere and the kids presented with a Junior Sarcasm Award, or something.

The other day, while with a customer and her daughter (who was about 5, judging by average height), I gave the woman back her change, stating the usual "Blah dollars and blah blah cents is your change."  This kid looks at me and says, "Phht.  My mommy doesn't have any sense!"

I couldn't help myself.  I literally laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes.  All the woman could do was look at her child and ask "Where on earth did that come from?"  The little girl innocently states, "You don't have any cents. We put them in the cents machine at Wal-Mart today, mommy.  Remember?"

That just made it all the more hilarious.  I had to go to the back of the store just to be able to compose myself for more customers.

Image via Wikipedia

About 10 years ago, my niece (then 2), was spending the day at my mother's house and getting some QT with her fabtasticly awesome aunt (me, of course).  During that time, we had an umbrella cockatoo.  It is a pretty large bird, so obviously, it's gonna need a large cage.  Well, this bird had a habit of screaming bloody murder when he didn't get his way.  In order to stop his ear-piercing screech, we would shoot him with a water gun.  This entertained my darling little niece for hours on end, and killed two birds (no pun intended) with one stone.  It not only kept the little noise maker quiet, it also gave him a much needed bath.  This particular day, that dear child decided to pull the water gun on me as I was standing near the cage, and then tell me, "GET IN THE CAGE!!!".  The forcefulness in that 2 year old's voice made me think that she was possessed by something completely and utterly evil, so I jumped inside the cage.

Jumping ahead 7 years... DD1 was about 3, and going through the tedious work of getting potty trained.  It was Christmas evening, and everyone had left for the day.  As I was picking up the messes left by the fam, my mother got in the shower, and came out in her night gown.  DD1 was following her around, and for some reason, lifted my mother's gown revealing the fact that she did not have any panties on.  After spanking my mother as hard as a 3 year old can she yelled out, "Bad mawmaw!  No diaper!"

My friend, Heather, has a 5 year old son.  One day, she came into town on the day that I was supposed to meet BG with the DD's.  Not only did she decide to come with, she decided to drive, too.  So, we got to the half-way point that is 60 miles away from home, called BG to find out his ETA, and he was just leaving his own destination.  So, that gave us an hour to kill.  In Heather's new Jeep.  Not long after rain.  Oh, yes.  We went on the hunt for mud puddles!  While our hunt carried on, we came across a chicken.  Not some ordinary chicken.  A very large metal statue of a rooster.  Being in the age that we are in, we mumbled the words "big cock" back and forth while snapping some pictures with our phones and cameras (see right).We left shortly after to return hunting for mud puddles, but the humidity made those far and few between.  When I got word that BG was a few minutes away, so we headed back to the meeting place.  In the midst of our talking, D said, "Can we go see the bigawk again?"  We both laughed so hard, that we both almost peed in our pants.

I'm sure that I will run into more KSDT, so I'll leave it open as a category that we can revisit later.

So, this is my first post. Wewt. I guess I started this because I wanted to start a diary, but life has given me something that is not found in many people--being a dork, and being sarcastic. At the same time. An odd combination, I know.

Want to know about the possible things you'll read about here? Yes? No? Well, I'm gonna tell you anyways. You will hear about my family, friends, my job, and the brilliant arguments I can get into with just about anyone. The odes to parenthood, dating, and all of that might be mentioned, as well. Life's favorite thing to show me is the frequency of stupid people. Seriously? Really? How can these people have lived this long being so fucking STUPID!?

Oh. One other thing... I cuss. A lot. So, if you are fragile in that aspect, continue on reading someone else's blog, because I'm one that tells it like it is. Posting something that saying something like, "Have you found Jesus?" is only going to make me want to say... "I didn't know he was lost! Do you want me to file a missing persons report for you?"

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